He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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