like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
