dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
