from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
