I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Even my vagina gasped.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
