I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How naked do you want me to be?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
