the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Life is so much better after having sex.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
