I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
