I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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