why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
