Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
