also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
