I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
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He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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