marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
