look no pants
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
