I'm jealous of your bromance
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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