some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
