Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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