I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
