Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
