worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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