she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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