Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
