dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
PANTIES FOUND
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
