i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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