so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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