hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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