so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
