you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
