Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
