I just cut my nipple shaving
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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