Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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