and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
