I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
