you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
