You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
3 2 1 whiskey
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
