i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
