I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
