I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
