I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
