the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
