I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
