She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
