her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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