I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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