four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We're too hungover to prance.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
