this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Can vaginas get frostbite?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
