i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
