I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
well you can't waste a boner
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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