i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
