I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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