oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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