i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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