You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize