he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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