she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
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Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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