We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
