ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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