No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
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There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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