Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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