Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
