just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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