At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
