i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
