Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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