Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
