i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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