i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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