at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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