I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
