Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
