If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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