Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
