The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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