I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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