my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
