shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
