I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
