Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
