Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
