so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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