Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
being pregnant is like rehab
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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